March 2011
48 posts
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Some day I will look at Rice Krispie Treats and...
Today will not be that day.
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Survey
You are a woman in your early 20s, seemingly hale and hearty, walking from your car into the gas station. You do not appear to be in any hurry. About two feet behind you is a woman of similar age, hale and heartiness, and hurry status, but pushing a double stroller with two infants in it. Do you:
A) Hold the door for her
B) Not hold the door for her
C) Not only not hold the door for her, but...
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Why not.
Name: Abby. Height: 5’2-3/4”. Age: 23. Eye Color: Blue. Hair Color: Brown. Orientation: Gay. Married? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defense_of_Marriage_Act. Job: Babysitting and perfecting my sad face for getting money from my dad. Education Level: Currently on year 5 out of 5.5 of college. Or whatever. Favorite Sport: Crew. Also the trampolining at the Olympics. Seriously, that shit is insane....
Notice she doesn't disagree...
Me: I'm going to see how I'm doing on Favrd.
Mom: Hmm?
Me: I said an internet thing you wouldn't understand.
Mom: Well then.
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Yeah, yeah, lazy Tumblr
But—part of the reason I’ve been so absent is a serious internet problem wherein it doesn’t work. It turns out it works if I sit right next to it; we’ve deduced that the problem is the router itself. So I’ll be replacing it tomorrow when I’m at the mall waiting in line for three hours at 6:00 am for some totally overpriced, absurd product that is only a little...
“Am I crazy or is this not a job for the U.S. House of Representatives?”
– C.J. Cregg
I feel like America would move much more smoothly if we all just agreed that (except for on television) this is, in fact, never true.
girl-non-grata:
Glossylalia: Mars Needs Moms is an incredibly anti-gay film. jimparsonsownsmysoul:
The reason Mars actually needs moms is that all the female martians are busy being leaders, soldiers and politicians. Because of this, they are apparently terrible mothers, because no woman can be in a position of power and possess maternal instincts. (There’s a…
I’m changing my...
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Who thinks I can drink this entire pot of tea...
…to go to Starbucks.
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I would watch the Donnatella Moss and Claudia Jean...
Tomorrow I have to watch 9 month old twins for 7.5...
I don’t foresee a problem though, do you?
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A pedestal for Harriet Tubman →
No YOUR dad had an op-ed in today’s Washington Post.
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Broken dates.
Broken nails.
Broken heart.
Favorite iPad (original) cover?
Watching ANTM
Avery: Ugh, those freckles are beautiful.
Me: I don’t get your freckle thing.
Avery: I want to lick every one of them.
Me: Excuse me, gotta type something real quick.
Avery: What? What are you…that’s not Tumblr-worthy!
Me: Maybe not *your* Tumblr, but mine is for simpler things.
Avery: Well…
Me: Shut up.
"Should the Sun be that much bigger than the...
aedison:
— the girlfriend.
“As of right now, 14 people think you’re dumb.”
—Brief clarification over whether she means “14” or “40” and could she please learn to pronounce the goddamn letter r?—
“Maybe they just think I’m correct and are now rightly terrified of the sun.”
“As of right now, 14 people think...
The Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Librarian's Soul:... →
-rosasparks-:
nefariousnewt:
lastsinglestanding:
dialing-footnoterphone:
wisearoundtheclock:
greengrey:
cantankasaurus-rex:
bluebears:
rosemarysbabyjane:
scoldylox:
beezusishere-:
devilsanddaffodils:
I’m 5 foot 2
5 foot 7
5’5.5”
Five feet, two and three-quarters inches. But I’m always told I look taller, until someone needs something from a high shelf. Or until...
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Beginner's Mind
frageelay:
learningtothrive:
And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?
I’ve been getting notes in my askplace from people sharing their feelings about past weight loss attempts and their trepidation about running at that particular wall again. I’d like to share some suggestions for beginning a serious health overhaul.
I’ll preface this by saying that I haven’t reached my long-term...
"New Apple products have a smell, and it's...
Thinking about starting Stuff My Apple Fangirl Says.
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I just stumbled into the living room after an...
Apparently it smells “like new Apple product!”
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Me: We should play Mario Party. Avery: Eh. Me: It’s the only video game we have that we can both delight in. Avery: Mario Kart. Me: It’s the only video game we have that we can both delight in.
“That was not the spiritually rewarding experience I had planned.”
– A. Edison
Avery probably thought that my response to her...
She was wrong.
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Love is...
aedison:
Spending your afternoon reading the list of previous MacArthur winners and calling every one of them pretentious.
“Ugh, Twyla Tharp.”
“I’m surprised this one even has capital letters in her name.”
“Oh, so if you were a disaster relief specialist you would have one?”
With bonus quoting from The Social Network: “Whatever, that one’s probably just a diversity thing.”
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microaggressions:
My friend views Japanese men and gay men as her entertainment. When we go out in public she squeals loudly and points if there is a gay couple walking by. More than once she has tried to drag me with her to stalk them. I’ve told her how I feel about this. Her excuse: “But it’s so cute!” Like we were talking about kittens, not human beings. She wants to get pregnant by a...
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Pillow talk.
aedison:
Avery: I’ve had hundreds of orgasms with you. It’s just that now we’re in the long tail. Abby: But soon there’ll be another spike, right? Hundreds more? Avery: I don’t think you understand how the long tail works. You need to watch some TED Talks.
She’s kidding, of course. We bang like bunnies. Five times a day. We’re banging RIGHT NOW.
“I didn’t want to end the day wanting to do Miley Cyrus!”
– ACE
During SNL
Me: She *is* 18, I checked.
Avery, breathlessly: Thank you.
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Do you guys subscribe to magazines?
rosieloveswords:
Which ones?
I get National Geographic and Archeology.
I’m thinking about subscribing to some newsier types of things.
I’m torn on the New Yorker. Sometimes I love it; sometimes I find it pretentious.
Foreign Policy is also high on the list.
Ideas?
I get Harper’s, which I love more than life itself, Newsweek, which is not as good as it was but I stick with, Mother...
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Watchaedison:
Abby drinking water.
She’s a fiend for H2O.
Crossing my fingers for some $$$ from Starbucks for this.
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New iPad
Avery: There's a big iPad event tomorrow.
Me: Gee, I wonder what it will be?
Avery: New iPad.
Me: Yes. Thank you. I'm not John Gruber, but I do know what a big iPad event means.
Avery: New iPad.
Me: Oh sweet Jesus are you just going to say that until you get one?
Avery:
Avery:
Avery: New iPad.
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In other "my girlfriend is amazing" news
I had a gigantic zit in my ear—I will spare you the details, but, seriously, omg—and she took a sterilized pin and picked off the heads and drained it with Q-tips and tissues. And let me squeeze her leg as she did. All because she loves me.
Or she just has some weird thing with bodily fluids.
jaydensmommie asked: Dear Abby,
For your birthday, I have a hug to give you. But you have to come to ROFLchester to get it. So get moving!
Love you! <3 <3
For your birthday, I have a hug to give you. But you have to come to ROFLchester to get it. So get moving!
Love you! <3 <3